Monday, July 26

lightward.com/newsletter

Good morning (?), friends. :) A tune for you: only love will save this place. Recommended listening, as you make your way here.

Hopeful eyes

… are mine, today. Eyes that are actively seeking the light in what they perceive, that take the light and call it wonderful, that take the dark and call it a meaningful part of the path. Eyes that appreciate. Eyes that are not ignorant of the alternative, eyes that know how to criticize, but eyes that have chosen not to. I am looking with an eye for what may be built, from here.

We, Abe and me, have found a ton of mileage lately in bringing conversations down to the core desires in play. The sequence typically runs like this:

1. A proposal lands on the table that someone finds confusing, or upsetting, or unsettling, or what have you.

2. Operating under the theory that it’s always the specifics that are points of friction, we open up the proposal and figure out what the core desire is. (Example: Maybe the proposal was to fly to Thailand tomorrow. Maybe the core desire is to express freedom of time.)

3. We have yet to find a core desire to which everyone else involved can’t find an earnest/honest connection. Core desires are simple, and human. With the core desire on the table, and with everyone finding their way to access empathy therein, we then rebuild the specificity. (Example: Maybe the core desire is freedom of time. Maybe we cancel everything for the next two days and fly a friend in.)

Putting it more concisely, yet expanding slightly for clarity, we have:

1. Putting forward something specific

2. Experiencing resistance to the specificity

3. Uncovering the core desire beneath the specificity

4. Discovering empathy via the core desire

5. Rebuilding specificity together, creating a direction we all feel naturally connected to

This is hope in action, for me. Hope is a gentle choice—it’s that space where we at once carry a yielding spirit, but still are expressing choice, dammit. Hope receives whatever is, accepting it fully, and it anticipates the good that is yet to be revealed. And in doing so, hope invites the good forward. Gently, safely. Hope is not so far up the emotional scale that it alienates the discouraged. Hope is not so far removed from disappointment that the two cannot speak. Hope sees the light in your eyes, even if your truth feels hard to speak or hard to trust. Hope will hold you, until you know yourself again.

In relationship, hope is how we build. In this, we afford each other the safety to put an experimental foot forward, to see how it lands—and if we pull that foot back to reconsider, we do so because it wasn’t about the specifics of that particular movement, it was about a desire to move. And movement we can redesign as much as we need to until it feels right, sounds right, is right. We move together, full of hope, and the hope gives us room to play.

Hopeful eyes. :)

A note on living optimistically

There are a lot of things I love about living. One of them is optimism—feeling hopeful and expectant, trusting that good things will come and that they’re FOR you.

I’m reminded of three experiences that remind me of this sense of optimism.

The first experience was when I moved out to Colorado for the first time back in 2013. I was in a toxic relationship with a guy from Denver and I wanted to make my relationship work with him, so I moved out there on a whim. Trusting that it would all work out, I left my good-paying job and packed up my car to move westward. I ended up getting a job at a non-profit, making half of the money I was making back in Illinois, but I remained optimistic. Denver Dude and I broke up two months after I moved there, but I was still dead-set on things working out, so I stayed in Denver, ready and open to what life had in store for me. Nine months later, after searching far and wide for many years, I found Isaac. And I’ve been living my dream life ever since. I always knew and trusted that I would find someone like Isaac to do life with, and here we are, seven years later, continually opting into trust and expansion both personally and together. Optimism.

I was watching the Olympics yesterday and saw an interview with Keri Walsh-Jennings, a three-time gold medal winner and one-time bronze winner. This year was the first time she hasn’t been to the Olympics in over 20 years. When asked how she was feeling, she answered something like, “You know, I have a lot of emotions right now, which is to be expected, but life is really beautiful. I have my health. I have my beautiful family. I have no idea what’s next, whether that’s trying for another olympic medal or moving on to something else, but I’m grateful.” I almost cried when she said, “life is beautiful.” An olympic gold medal winner, a legend, an all-star, showing the world her true optimism and gratitude despite losing something she genuinely wanted, which was another olympic gold medal. If you don’t follow her on IG and want some inspiration, do yourself a favor and follow her—she’s the definition of choosing a perspective of optimism.

We were at dinner this past weekend with some friends who were visiting from Chicago and LA. At the end of each friend's visit, we like to go around and share highlights from the trip and also share affirmations for one another, encouraging one another as we head off in our own directions. I find it really beautiful to take time to encourage one another, because life is beautiful and so is friendship; so why not take the time to honor it? When it was time for me to share an affirmation to our friend, Katrina, I found myself crying while I told her what I find inspiring about her. I usually don’t cry during these affirmation sessions. It might’ve the booze, but I’m pretty sure it was because what I said really hit a heart-string for me. I basically thanked her for her earnest, wide-eyed wonder about everything. She has a master’s degree and is super smart and yet is always so fascinated with everything and everyone, eager to learn and be present in the beauty of the now. Katrina hasn’t been calloused by the hardships of life; she is still so open and full of wonder/excitement about this beautiful life and all it has to offer. It’s really moving to witness that sense in real time—it inspires me to stay open and joyful. It also reminds me that you can be both successful and kind and that optimism/kindness/openness/wonder/joy isn’t a weakness—it’s a fucking superpower.

Thanks for reading my words today, friend. Sending you love and wonder and optimism.

Abe

Things we are making

Empowered Human Academy

Last week’s guest on Empowered Human Academy is someone who’s very dear to us—a frequent collaborator who’s filmed the anniversary videos that we make every year. Orion Pahl identifies as an artist, space-holder, and healer. As a documentary filmmaker, Orion is currently exploring themes like cultural ideals, feelings, and rituals surrounding death. His most recent film, “Bury Me At Taylor Hollow”, won Best Tennessee Short at the Nashville Film Festival.

Throughout this conversation we discuss the origin of identity, staying both grounded and adaptable in the midst of growth, and reframing grief as healing energy. In many ways, this hour with Orion is an exploration of consciousness waking up to itself. Consciousness in suspension, curiosity, and participatory evolution. Going off the grid to see what we might find—like exploring the back roads on your way home. Time with Orion is an expansive place to land, and we hope it might be an invitation to lean into your own becoming and growth.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Also hey! If you are drawn to the idea of being on this podcast, or if you know someone you want to hear on an episode, let us know at eha.party.

Lightward Together

In our last Lightward Together session we discussed the power of owning and celebrating nuance. When we drop into our own knowing and power, the more sustainable our growth becomes— because rather than taking the directions to anyone else’s life, we’re creating our own. Lightward Together is about exploring your nuance and learning from the nuance in others, too—illuminating the path for each other along the way.

Our next Lightward Together session is THIS SATURDAY, July 31st, and we’re currently opening up 2 spots per session—completely free of charge—so you can get a feel for the energy in real time, with no commitment required.

Sign up for a membership ($75 per month) at lightward.com/together/join or a free spot in our next session at lightward.com/together/visit!