Falling In Love With Yourself
I’m really excited to be in the head, brain, and heart space that I’m in this year. 2020–2022 were really hard years for my brain. I’ve learned so much about my brain patterns and how it works through therapy since last May; it’s helped me start the process of feeling at home with and in myself.
After taking a break from intense creative work post Lightward Journal, I realized that I really missed sharing my process on social media – from my #abeminus100 journey to travel to posts that empower people. I missed curating content. I didn’t even realize I really enjoyed intentionally making curated content as much as I did until I didn’t do it for almost a year. So at the beginning of 2023, my creative director, Alicia, and I met and dreamt up what the year could look like in terms of content creation.
It feels really good to own the fact that I feel like a content creator – that I deeply enjoy the act of creating in that way. Sharing my process and story and experiences with the world is something I delight in. I realized I felt very self-conscious about that for a long time, without even knowing it. Imposter syndrome is annoying.
I love the life I’m building with Isaac. I love our studio, Lightward, and the work I get to do every day with people I really respect. Today I had a conversation with DRock, a videographer and media expert who works for Gary Vaynerchuck. When I was telling him about my life and story and the business that Isaac and I own and operate, he was really impressed and also shared some really affirming sentiments with me re: how I/we are doing things. I think we all sometimes forget how cool our lives actually are, or how amazing we are. So it was nice to be affirmed by someone who works closely with an international entrepreneurial superstar like Gary Vee. I’m on an active journey to remember how cool my brain is without the need for external validation, but in the meantime, it was really encouraging to hear.
This year, I’m *remembering* my capacity as a health advocate, a person who deeply loves to inspire others (and myself) to live a beautiful, epic life. Remembering that traumatic parts of my past don’t dictate my capacity to make an impact on the world. So I’m intentionally shifting how I show up on socials – with a bit more confidence in my voice and what I have to share with the world. I want people to watch my content and feel inspired, safe, and entertained. I’ll be creating content about health – physical, mental, and spiritual health.
I’ll also be sharing my journey to become represented as a plus-size commercial actor and model. Someone stopped me at the climbing gym tonight and said they saw me on a TikTok ad about The Color Factory, a museum at the Willis Tower in Chicago – that felt really empowering! I want to show other people who look like me (plus-size, queer, latino) that they belong in the media. :) And I’ll also share all the beautiful travel experiences I’m fortunate to experience, showing folks ways they can optimize their travel experience and inspire them to adventure.
I’ve recently realized that, on paper, I’ve been incredibly fortunate the last three years. On the work front, I and we: launched a magazine, podcast, empowerment subscription group, photographed a collaborator at Adele’s, hosted amazing team retreats in beautiful places, grew our team from four to eleven, represented Lightward at Clinton Global Initiative in New York City with attendees like the Queen of Jordan, Matt Damon, and other global leaders/change makers. I say all that because sometimes, you can have all the things you’ve wished and worked for, and it all doesn’t fully click – you don’t feel whole. I’ve become aware that I wasn’t in the best place mentally through it all; there was something missing. And I’m grateful to say, through therapy and other modes of taking care of my mental health, including being honest about what I want to do *right now*, I’m so excited for the next year of diving into content creation in hopes to inspire others, get repped as a plus size model, and heal parts of myself that have been waiting to be healed.
All this to say, follow me on Instagram if you haven’t already at @abelopez. And even if you don’t, I hope you take away something from my little corner of honesty today.
Onward and upward,
Abe