“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them.

Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.”

—Elizabeth Gilbert

Firsts. 

This year has been a whirlwind of firsts. When we made our initial asks for partners, people to be a part of this magazine, it was a thrill every time we got a “yes”—a text thread in our team full of emojis and praise hands. So much gratitude for the resonance, the investment of people wanting to join in. So much felt possible, ceilings in our own imaginations broken. With the cast of characters being set, Rebekah’s outline came to life—it was time to create the visual worlds that would set the scene for the stories she would capture. 

When it came time to concept for each shoot, the starting place was always the person. The feelings they conjured, the fascinations their essence brought. I don’t often find myself in a linear process—I gather and pune and follow curiosities, throw things out and start over. But there is always the same place to begin. For our shoot with Jake Wesley Rogers, it was instinct from the start. It felt like “the only right thing to do,” to recognize the spiritual sense Jake brings. The mystical, the soulful, the philosophical—the intrinsic. That was the beginning. Gathering, pruning, all through the lens of capturing the metamorphosis, the birth of what was always in Jake that’s led to his outward expression now. The start of that was pulling from nature—things that visually cued us into the mystical, the idea of something becoming new. 

The mood board filled with ideas—colors, different directions, butterflies, scarab bugs—nature screaming with metamorphosis, the birth of a new thing. When concepting, there is trust that compulsions mean something. In line with this Elizabeth Gilbert quote, “Magic wants to happen—and will find its way.” In Lightward terms, “The thing that wants to come forward,” and in my own tongue, “Truth in her kindness, repeats herself.” 

The first Concept we started walking through was the Butterfly, the metamorphosis—and there was resonance. It was beautiful, interesting, landed. But internally I was sensing a sliver of hesitation. I had seen a similar look on Jake’s feed, post developing the board, and in complete honesty I was craving something totally fresh—something I hadn’t seen before. I was down the road pitching the concept, but felt the pause growing—I wanted to pivot from the Butterfly to the other concept, the Scarab, but was hesitant to scrap and start over. 

In our next team meeting, while we were looking through the mood boards, Isaac saw the Scarab and it struck him as well. His intuition, his attraction, spoke up. It was almost in passing—almost a whisper. Not literally of course, but that was the feeling—something you can almost miss if you are barreling down a road. And in some ways I was barreling, pushing past the pauses I was feeling—in some ways, ignoring the deep desire for new. 

In this year of firsts, this has been my first time working in this role. Concepting for shoots, making things for print, developing how to communicate, inviting others into vision, collaborating, and pivoting. In the midst of all of these firsts, I have felt the wildness, the gift it is to be here in this place. Given so much trust and so many tools. It’s like the first time you’re driving a car, and somebody hands you the keys to a Rolls-Royce. Lightward places so much emphasis on giving room for what wants to happen, the big magic, the deep truth. It’s that—the empowerment I feel to boldly step into trusting my senses even in a brand new space. Who gets that? To follow the leadings, to notice with my team what wants to happen. It’s that freedom, that knowing, and that trust in Lightward’s invitation that gave “permission” to halt and pivot. To say, the truth is repeating itself—can we listen? That meeting was the third time the scarab had shown up, reaching out to be noticed. This was a first for a hard pivot.  

Another First. 

This shoot with Jake was the first time I was able to share what was in my head with ridiculously talented humans and watch vision take on life. I love to make, to create with my own hands—but there are also things that are in my head that are bigger than my skill set, wider than what I could do alone. This was the first time where I was in the seat of visioning, and then seeing each piece show up in the hands of expert craftsmen—feeling a sense of ownership and a sense of release. Thumbing through each piece of fabric, watching Edwin (the stylist) come alive in his magical lane, describing and walking me through each look. Delighted to show me the scarab necklace he had found, showing me more than I could have imagined. (Including a horsehair dress!) Seeing Lisa-Marie and Darian create emotive makeup and hair—each fleck of silver, each feathering of red lock around the face. It was like molding clay: everything did exactly as they had formed.

Maybe I sound as young as I feel. Both in wonder and in experience—but maybe that’s just right. The youngness in realizing what is possible, what happens when your magic meets another. When you see something created that is beyond what you can do alone—to not feel lost in it—but rather settled in your part. That was the magic of the shoot to me.  Listening together to the thing that wants to be alive. 

The cherry on top, the thing you couldn’t predict or explain, the nod from the universe whilst listening to yourself, to others, to truth repeating itself: after sharing this concept for the first time with Jake’s team, we received an email from Jake's manager that Jake himself has a scarab tattoo. You can’t make this stuff up. 

In the shoot we tried to capture the visual representation of what was always in Jake, becoming more visible. What we are trying to capture in the Journal itself is Lightward as a company—after years of building—becoming more visible. What is happening in me being a part of this project is after years of craving, I am being given tools to make things in my imagination more visible. This is part of why I feel passionate about Lightward—becoming more visible, more a part of the philosophy of work and health conversation. For people to hear stories of a way that work/life could be just a little different. That maybe the gift I’ve experienced, being here, can belong to more people. Not just as a part of Lightward, but beyond. 

That is the world I want to live in. Where as many people live, work, and play in a way that goes beyond surviving. The world starts dripping gold when people are freed up and given space and power to “create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.” And those leadings meet the magical path of others. 

What would happen in a world where work and life felt like that?